Sydelle helps us see several examples of unconditional love lived out loud. She opens up, shares her heart and explains why the essence of his show resonates with her so deeply.
Sydelle tells us about some of the challenges she's faced when it comes to love (in all of its forms) and how she's been able to rise above them.
To learn more about Sydelle Nicole, check her out on Facebook Live every Thursday evening here.
If you enjoyed this episode and would like to hear more of Sydelle's story, you can find her book, Dear Mama here.
Love Me Anyway Podcast Episode 2 Transcript
Sydelle Nicole – Let’s Go
Intro music fades in and plays from 00:00 – 00:26
:04 Host voice in intro: Love me anyway, in spite of my past, my circumstances, my mistakes. Hear me, see me, for all that I am and love me anyway.
:20 Host speaks: Hello and welcome to another edition of Love Me Anyway. I am your host, Robyn Rose and today I have the honor and privilege of interviewing one of my favorite people on the planet. She and I have been friends for almost 20 years now and she has been such a phenomenal inspiration to me, from the way she parents her kids, to the dedication that she gives to any and every relationship, to all of the things she has accomplished in her life, sometimes being a single parent, juggling 4 kids. It’s just amazing the things that she’s able to do and I have such tremendous respect for her and I’m so honored that she has taken the time to be my very first interview guest on my podcast.
1:09 I’d love to jump right into the interview with our special guest, but before we do that, I’d like to introduce our song of the day. This one is an oldie but a goodie. So many of you will be able to relate to this song, for a number of reasons. But for me, the first time this song was really significant was after a pretty big breakup. It was actually the very first real adult relationship I was ever in. It was an unhealthy relationship so when it was over, it was past time for it to be over. And I remember driving home after the breakup and this song came on. The song is titled It’s My Turn by Diana Ross. It was my break free song. It was like I’m finally free to be the woman that I need to be, the woman that I want to be. And although it meant one thing to me then, it means something totally different to me now. Now it’s a song that I can actually sing to my old self. Let me explain. Some of her lyrics include “It’s my turn, with no more room for lies. For years I’ve seen my life through someone else’s eyes”. And that’s true. In the relationship, I was trying to be the woman he wanted me to be.
2:17 But now when I say that, I can see that I was even viewing myself through a warped lens. I was viewing myself through a lens that was filthy with guilt and shame and I’m no longer looking at myself through that lens. She goes on to say “It’s my turn to start from number one, trying to undo some damage that’s been done”. And I am. I’m trying to become a better person than I was yesterday, not only a better person than I was 20 years ago. And I want to make right the things that I’ve done wrong. I know we can’t go and undo the past but we can make changes. We can make different decisions. We can do things differently to become the people that we want to be, no longer the people that we were.
3:00 And I could go on and on. This song is full of so many things. And for you, maybe it’s your turn to get out of a job that you don’t like. Maybe it’s your turn to get away from a relationship that’s unhealthy. Maybe it’s your turn to venture out to start your own business. [you know], it can mean so many things to so many people. It means so much to me in terms of the whole love me anyway journey. That is why it is our song of the day.
03:22 transition music plays until 03:32
03:29 Now let’s go ahead and get started with the interview. This is so exciting for me and I know you’re going to love it. So, without any further delay, I give you the one and only Sydelle Nicole.
03:43 crowd cheers play until 03:59
03:46 Host: I am honored to have my bestie, Sydelle Nicole, on our first interview. I’m so glad you’re doing this for me and how are you today?
Sydelle: I’m good.
Host: I would love to talk to you, specifically, about any love me anyway situations or experiences that you’ve had. Do you have a love me anyway experience?
Sydelle: To be honest, I mean I felt like I’ve always had love me anyway experiences. And for me, [you know], when I go back to even being a kid…so I don’t know who my dad is. And [you know], when I was in school, most of my friends, especially in high school, were white and they, all of them had moms and dads, [you know what I’m saying}, that lived in the same house. I never had that. So, I always felt weird that my grandparents had to raise me at the age that they were because, [you know], I just knew, like I didn’t have anything. My mother wasn’t there. And so, for my mom, and I don’t know if it was because of my dad (or whoever he was or whatever), but she always made a big difference between me my brothers.
04:54 Like, she would come and they would go with her in the summer and I could never go. Like, I would have to beg and I can only remember in my whole childhood, one weekend that I actually spent the night with her away from my grandparent’s home. So, I always felt like something was wrong with me and that carried on with me for a very long time. So, [you know], love me anyway because maybe you didn’t like my dad or I didn’t have two parents or whatever and I feel like, [you know], it’s affected me in different ways because, [you know], even when I was a kid and I was put in an inappropriate situation with a very old man, but he showed me love and I felt like that was something that I needed [um] in general and so he built a strong relationship with me to where I loved him. And, it made it a lot different but I feel like all the time, I mean, even as an adult, I can remember, [you know], people were introducing me to different people and specifically, this one guy was like, “oh, you have a kid”, [you know], like so, ok well I have a kid and that’s out. And so, even that would carry on, like crap. So I would settle for much less than I ever thought I deserved because I felt like nobody would want me with a kid or nobody would love me because of that. [you know], so it’s been crazy but yea…
6:21 Host: WOW. So, when you talk about the experience with the older gentleman and you getting love that you needed in an inappropriate situation, which later caused problems or internal struggles maybe, how are you healing from that?
6:38 Sydelle: So, I think the thing is he’s the best pedophile, like he could have written a book on how to be a pedophile.
Host: WOW
Sydelle: And I say that because it started when I was 7, but years leading up to that, he would always come over and he would always be nice. He would teach me little things and he was just always really nurturing. Like, my home wasn’t nurturing. [You know], he groomed me for that. And then, even further, he and my grandmother were best friends, right and so it basically ended up being a thing where they had a deal and she allowed him to have me and he gave her money, right. And so, I think of all of the stuff that happened, that probably hurt me the most as, [you know], as I got older and found out what actually had happened. But the thing for me that was so crazy is [you know] you had that aha moment, [you know], where it’s like, you felt like Jesus was saying love me, that I love you anyway, I still love you? For me, I went through this phase where I was just very angry and sad and I couldn’t be angry at my grandmother because I always felt like I owed them for raising me. And so, it was kind of a mixed thing. Like, she wasn’t getting the money. Like, my brother’s dad died in Vietnam so she got a check for my brothers and they always made that known. Like, she didn’t get a check for me and so, that was almost like me paying her and so it was just a weird thing because I could never hate her.
08:11 And I didn’t hate him. I was disappointed because I never said anything to anyone until I was like 25 after I had my daughter. And so, when I go and confront him, he just denied all of it. Like, ”I don’t know who’s making you remember this” and he kept saying things like that. I was never at a point where I hated him. It made me sad that he didn’t say, [you know] “this is what’s going on and I apologize”. And I probably would have been much better but he denied it. Then I go to my grandmother and she’s just like “just leave it alone. That was a long time ago, don’t bring it up”. And that kinda triggered me going into this depressed thing where I didn’t trust a lot of people. I was very angry at my mother for leaving me with them.
8:54 And I remember one night, I was watching TV and T.D. Jakes came on and I don’t really usually watch, [you know], a lot of sermons on television but the title of his sermon was “Always the victim, I don’t think so”. And he just started going through all that and I had been playing the victim. I mean, I had been playing that victim role because [you know], “whoa is me, this happened to me” and it was in that moment that I was like “I can not, like, I’m not a victim”. [You know], it’s like a paradigm shift that I’m not gonna feel bad about what happened to me. I’m gonna feel honored that God knew that I could go through all of that and still be okay. I think that was the moment when I started to feel like I have to adjust my thinking. And I had to pray that I could forgive them and that was a big thing because as long as I had that, [you know], sadness and not able to get over it, I wasn’t able to move past it. And so, when I was able to forgive them, and even though it didn’t immediately clear anything up, I mean, it took some years. But it was just that. Like, I can’t be the victim and I mean honestly, if me going through that means no other kids have to go through it, then I would go through it again, right? Because I know that God kept me through all of that. I mean it was not the best situation or scenario but there was never a point that I felt truly that He was not there.
Host: Ok
10:25
Sydelle: To be honest, it just did something to me and to be honest, it guilted me because [you know], God has really been good to me. I’ve been through a lot, [you know] there’s a lot of things that have happened, just in general in my life that, [you know], a lot of people have never experienced but He’s, He’s always been with me. And it made me feel guilty that I’m walking around, like how dare I act like a victim, [like] and I just feel like it’s a, it’s kinda a slap in the face. It happened and [you know], was it necessarily God’s perfect will? No, I don’t think so. But it happened and He allowed it to happen and I feel like anything He allows to get to me is in anyway gonna somehow bring him glory. So, it’s all gonna work out for my good. Cuz, if it wasn’t going to bring Him glory, He wouldn’t even allow it to get to me.
11:12 – 11:21 - Soft piano music plays in transition
11:15 Soft voice says “You are listening to Love Me Anyway with your host, Robyn Rose
11:21 Host: I share the same [um] spiritual values that you do. I think some of our listeners may not. So, from a perspective of someone who may not have a relationship with God or who may not even believe there is a God, do you have any suggestions of how they could heal from past traumas, no matter what it would be?
11:43 Sydelle: I think the main thing is the forgiveness piece, right, because if you can not get past that, it eats you alive. And, [you know], I was so mad at my mother for so long and it took a while to just finally forgive her and separate her, all of her different personalities, [you know], and group all of that. But on the same note, to me, I don’t know that I couldn’t have forgiven if I didn’t have a relationship with Christ. Like, I don’t know. I don’t know that I could have, right? Because that’s definitely something supernatural that I had to go through to get to a point where I could have peace and forgiveness and talk about it freely. Because, [you know], initially I’d cry like who wants to talk about that? But now, that’s part of my journey, that’s my testimony, that’s my story. And being able to get through all of that, and still praise God and still know that He loves me, in spite of, and not be angry at Him and forgive anybody who’s done wrong. And even today, I know some of the listeners may not believe in the bible but the bible says “pray for those even who scorn you and [you know], who do you wrong”. And it’s easy to love and forgive someone who you’re close to and that you love and that you’re in a relationship [with]. But it’s a whole nother animal when you gotta forgive someone who has caused you the greatest emotional pain you’ve ever experienced in your life. And, whether you believe in God or not, I feel like, in order for you to move forward and not hold on to those things, that you have to get to a point where, even if they never offer you an apology, even if you never have a conversation with them, even if they don’t act like they’re sorry, you have to forgive them. Because it’s not for them, right. It’s for you. It’s not for them.
Host: Right
13:36 Sydelle: [You know], and they’ll have to deal with whoever they pray to. But you have to say “okay, in order for me to get past this, I have to be willing to forgive without apology” and that doesn’t mean you forgive them and you go back and you’re best friends, right? It doesn’t mean that you have to be on speaking terms, but to have some sense of peace inside, I feel like that forgiveness, it just has to be there?
14:01 – 14:10 Soft piano music plays
14:08 Host: Was there anytime you felt that there was someone who did love you anyway? Despite whatever you had gone through or were going through, there was somebody there who you knew you could count on, who was loving you beyond your circumstances, beyond your past, beyond your mistakes?
Sydelle: That would probably be my cousin, Wynema, cuz when I was going through all that darkness, I was just in a bad place and I remember one time, I got really mad at her and I was cussing her and all this stuff. And she never said anything, but I know that she was hurt but she’s always loved me. And the crazy thing is, she just developed a relationship with Christ, so she loved me even when she didn’t have that feeling of genuine love, right? Because, [you know], an agape kind of love that you get from God is a special kind of love but I feel that she’s always had that for me. [You know], when we were kids, [you know] we fought or whatever, but I’m just saying, as an adult, through anything that I’ve gone through, where other people may have judged me or talked about me or whatever, she’s always loved me.
Host: That’s so beautiful. What do you think it was about her that gave her the capacity to love you through that?
15:26 Sydelle: I think, [you know], she knew all the stuff that I had gone through and I’ve always been supportive of her, I mean, I just think back to that one incident where I cussed at her because that still today bothers me [that] that even happened, but outside of that, whatever she’s needed, I’ve always been there. Like we’ve always just had a really good friendship. So, when she was pregnant, I mean I went to her house, cleaned out her refrigerator and I mean, just, I’ve always taken care of people. Like, I mean, I take care of people in general but she’s probably the only person that I felt has loved me back.
16:04 And, and even with that, it’s been kinda different, like, [you know], I don’t feel like I’ve ever, in any instance received the kind of love that I give.
Host: WOW
Sydelle: With her, even though I know she loved me throughout all of that stuff and everything that I’ve gone through, I know there are still limitations, where for me, my love doesn’t have limitations.
Host: WOW. Has there ever been a time when you were the one who loved someone anyway, where you loved someone through their circumstances, through their trouble, through their mistakes, beyond their mistakes?
Sydelle: Yea, I mean, I feel like I naturally do that because, especially now, [you know], I’m in a point where I know that I make a lot of mistakes, so I’m not, I don’t judge anybody, I don’t. [You know], I can remember one time we went out to eat, there was a group of us that had gone out and, I don’t know, probably 20 years ago, at least. But we had gone out to eat and our server was this young kid and I mean, he’s probably maybe 20, 18 or whatever but he was gay. And [you know] he had on like eye liner and stuff. And they all kept talking about him just saying, just things and he could sense it and I could tell that he was uncomfortable. But I would always ask him questions and try and make him feel comfortable because that’s somebody’s son. That could be my son.
17:29 And I always think about that in any instance. [You know], when people are doing things or acting crazy and acting out of character, I really, really try and make an effort to see, [you know] whatever it is that they may be going through because you don’t know. Like, you have no idea the things that [you know] other people may be experiencing. And so, I feel like that’s why a lot of people come to me to talk because I’m just, I don’t feel that I have any room to judge. I mess up everyday. And so, I feel like most of the time, I love people anyway, regardless of whatever has happened or whatever they’ve done or whatever they’ve done to me.
18:07 Cuz, my mother has this thing, [you know], she’s an alcoholic and she’s been on drugs forever and there was a point in her life where she was trying to be clean and I mean, she’s had several of those episodes where she’s, [you know], trying to “I’m not gonna drink and I’m not gonna do drugs or whatever”. And, during one of those times, she would call me and she would say “do you remember such and such?”. So, for instance, I can remember when I was about ten, the one weekend that I ever spent with her in my life, we went to [uh] Amarillo and we went to this restaurant, kinda like a Denny’s restaurant and I don’t know what it was called. And we sat in this booth and ordered the food and she said “I’ll be right back”. And she left. Well, I’m thinking she’s going to the bathroom, but she left the restaurant.
18:53 So I’m sitting there and I remember sitting in the booth and all these people kept going in and out and they’re like, looking at me and they’re like “are you okay?”. And I’m like “yea, my mom’s coming back” but it was night time before she came back to get me. And so, she was like do you remember that? And I said “yea, of course, I remember that”. And she said “well, I left and I went to get high”. And [um] and so, she would call about, [you know], just various things like that, that had happened and she said that she felt like God was making her remember that because she needed to apologize to me.
19:29 I don’t know, she just has a weird thing, but to me, honestly, I [like]….a big part of the reason why she drinks and she’s resentful toward me. Like, she’s, she gets very angry or she’ll just get mad and say hurtful things to me. And she went for years not speaking to me, but I feel like her having to face me, knowing the stuff that she allowed to happen to me, knowing the things that she’s done and I still love her and try and reach out to her, it guilts her. And so, her way is “I’m gonna start an argument so I don’t have to be around her”. The fact that I forgive her, I feel makes her uncomfortable. Like, if I was angry and mean and vengeful to her, I think it would make her understand more and not feel like, oh my god, but the fact that I still love her and [you know] still try and support her and still try and be there for her even when she’s acting crazy with me, I feel like that affects her in a way that she can’t really process.
Host: I hadn’t even thought about that. So, she would certainly be one that you have loved anyway?
Sydelle: Yea
20:37 – 20:42 soft piano music plays in transition
20:41 Host: Can you talk a little bit more about your ability to see people for who they are?
Sydelle: Yea and I mean, I don’t know if it’s a combination of things because [you know] like I said, growing up, most of my friends were white and so, there was a lot of racial things that I had to experience, [you know], just being in that environment in that time so I’ve always, [you know]….when I was in high school, there was this kid who was mentally disabled and people would always pick on him but I always would go and get him, like, [you know], “leave him alone”. And I always stood up for him. Like, I don’t want anybody to feel like they’re less than anything or anyone else. And I don’t know if that’s because those are feelings that I’ve felt and I don’t want anybody to feel that way. [You know], I don’t know that there’s one specific incident that has happened to cause that but I just feel like I’ve always taken up for people who really couldn’t take up for themselves.
21:37 Host: When I first told you about this podcast (and I just mentioned the title to it), you said you teared up. What in the title made you tear up?
Sydelle: I think it kinda goes back to the experience you said where you felt like Jesus was like “I love you anyway” because I always feel that. A lot of times, people are, [you know], I wouldn’t say put me on a pedestal but their expectation of me is different and I don’t feel that. Like, it’s very humbling when people say, [you know], “you did this and I appreciate you” or” man, you’re the best mother” or “the best person I know”. Or “you’re the….”. It humbles me because I know who I am. And I know that I make mistakes and I know that I mess up and I don’t feel that I deserve to be called “You’re the best” of whatever. And people always say “He saw the best in me when everyone else around only saw the worst and He still loved me. But, for me, because He’s seen and knows the worst in me and it’s not necessarily because…when you see the best in someone, it’s easy to love them but when you know the worst about everybody, and [you know], and He covers me from that so He knows it but the world doesn’t have to know. And so, when I say He loves me anyway, despite all my flaws and all the sins that I’ve done and all the times that I’ve disappointed him and all the times that I’ve grieved the spirit, He loves me anyway. And so, it was just touching to me because as much as you would want to have that kind of love from people around you, I don’t know, outside of, like I said, my cousin, I don’t know that I just had that growing up. But Him, He’s always…..even when I was a kid in the middle of all of that stuff that I really didn’t understand and didn’t know how to process, I prayed to Him like He was my daddy and [you know], He’s just always been there, and that’s just, regardless of whatever. And so, I don’t get excited about Him seeing the best in me and still loving me. What moves me is that He sees the worst in me and still loves me.
23:44 Host: Girl, you’re about to make me cry. Oh, my goodness. That’s one of the things that I love about my husband and one of the reasons why I want him on the podcast is because I feel like he’s one of the…the only human male who has ever loved me anyway, knowing everything about me. And, I have had this issue, and I guess I’m just now getting over it, where I’ve wanted people to know everything. Because I’ve never wanted something to come out or something be discovered and that give them reason to walk away after we formed a bond. And I felt like if they knew everything and would still love me, they wouldn’t go anywhere. I think I wanted that security that they would be in my life forever. And, I’m starting to realize “reason, season, lifetime”, [you know]. Even if they do [love me], that doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to stick around. I need to love me anyway and I know that God loves me anyway and that’s really all that should matter. So, I’m still working through that. I still have issues where I want to be accepted for who I am, in spite of myself, I guess, basically.
24:50 Sydelle: Right. And I guess for me, even with that, like, I keep trying to veer away from the spiritual talk because, like you said, I’m sure some of your listeners…[you know], not everyone’s gonna believe in God. But, I think [you know] He covers us so everybody doesn’t see everything and the one thing that bothered me for a long time is that, [you know], Satan made me feel guilty and shameful about my past and everything that had happened and things that I had done, things that had happened to me. He made me feel shameful and so I never wanted anybody to know. And I never wanted to talk about it because I was embarrassed but now, I’m at a point that if they go back and say, [you know], you ran over that dog back in 1992 or whatever, I don’t feel shameful. [You know], even now, I’m in the midst of this horrible divorce, it doesn’t bother me to talk about it because I know that’s part of my journey. And I realize that there are gonna be people who judge me and there are gonna be people who walk away and don’t accept me and that’s cool. But, what I realize is that’s, that’s my testimony and so I’m not ashamed of it and I’m not going to allow Satan to have that power to try and make me feel ashamed of it. And so, if something comes out that I haven’t spoken about, then I just address it and I talk about it because that’s just what it is and love me anyway or not because I’m finally past the point of really, really worrying and troubling myself over what people think. Because people, you can treat them with the utmost kindness, respect, generosity, whatever. Sometimes people are there for their need of you, right and whatever they can get from you. And sometimes, even as hard as you try to love them….and they walk away. And I think the thing that got me to that point was with my mother because I’ve always tried to have a relationship with her. I begged for a relationship with her, in words and actions.
26:55 And it just hadn’t happened. And so, I guess probably 5 years ago, she went through this thing where she didn’t want me to talk to her and she changed her number. And “y’all better not give her my number” and, [you know], she would call and hang up and just be really hurtful and I mean, I used to just cry all the time but I’m like “I’ve done what I could to have a relationship with her and if she walks away, I’m still gonna love her. I’m still gonna pray for her but I’m not gonna keep forcing that”. I’m not gonna keep putting myself in that situation to allow her to keep hurting me. So, I can love her and still pray for her and not, [you know], have that interaction with her and be okay with it.
27:36 Host: That’s a tough situation right there. Because for so many of us, our parents are the ones who have loved us anyway, [you know], through our mistakes and it’s kinda been reversed for you.
Sydelle: Yea
Host: You’d mentioned shame. One of the reasons why I wanted a public platform is because at some point, I would like to reach out to young ladies who have experienced any number of situations but who are carrying shame and guilt for things they did or for things that happened to them and I would like to help them get through that earlier than I did. I was so ashamed of things that I had done, things that I had allowed to happen to me. In my mind, I was saying I had allowed them to happen so it was my fault and that mentality caused me to have low self esteem and to be insecure. So, when you talk about that shame piece, I understand it all too well. Have you had the opportunity to speak with young ladies about stuff like this?
28:36 Sydelle: Yea, so, several years ago, I used to…there was a correctional facility in Dallas and I taught a class called Making Peace With Your Past.
Host: WOW
Sydelle: Yea, and [um], I had written my book, [you know], and when I initially wrote my book, I just did it for me just so I could get everything out. And this lady at…I think it was like Prestonwood Baptist Church in Dallas (this giant church), she was about, probably 60 or 70 at the time, (an older white lady) and she asked me to come and speak to her Sunday School class. Well, I’m thinking Sunday school class...well, I get in there, there’s about 100 older white people. [You know], the older white people that I experienced growing up, didn’t particularly care for black people and I didn’t really know how it was gonna go over but they just wanted me to talk about my life and the book and all of that stuff and man it was just the sweetest experience. And they all came by after and they hugged me and all this stuff. And so, one of the ladies was saying “Would you teach this class at the prison? We have this and this going on”. And, so I was like “okay”.
29:49 So, that next week, I go with her and we go to the prison. Well, when I walk in, the ladies were looking at me like, [you know], “who the heck is this kid?”. Like, “what are you…cu”, z I mean, I’m going to a prison but I’m still, I’m dressed in business attire. [You know], I have on heels and all of that and they’re like “what, she doesn’t relate to us. Like she can’t talk to us. She doesn’t know anything about us”. And I get that a lot. And so, I just started out by sharing my story, [you know]. And then it was just like “WOW” and so I’m looking out there and [you know], people are crying and they’re talking about all this stuff and they’re like “how are you the way you are, like how did that happen?”. And, you have to make peace with it, right. You have to make peace with it. And that doesn’t mean you forget it and that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t sting and hurt sometimes because sometimes it still will, but you have to get to a point where you can forgive whatever has happened. There was a young lady in there, and they varied in ages, I mean, from early 20s or maybe even 19 up to, [you know], 50 or whatever and that was what happened. One of them, when they...after I finished, one of them stood up and she was like, “when you first walked in here, I was just like “why is she here?””. [You know]. The thing that I tell them is people have a misconception about Christianity that Christians are people whose mom and dad were raised in the church and they were deacons and all of that stuff. And I’m like that’s not my story, right.
31:15 You don’t have to have a lineage or a legacy of being Christians to accept Christ. One of the ladies was saying she never prayed because she messed up so much and she didn’t feel like God would listen to her.
Host: emotional sound
Sydelle: Exactly. That was just so hurtful to me [you know], but a lot of people feel that way. I was fortunate enough that God chose me at a very young age, cuz I, of course, did not choose Him because I didn’t know. Just having those conversations with them and talking through that was very humbling to me because they’re writing me letters saying “you’re my hero and you’re this and that” and I don’t feel any of that because I know without Christ, I am nothing. So it is, it is definitely something that’s needed. And so, I do that all the time. I mean, I’ve gone to schools and spoke to young girls and even with boys, I mean, I coach boys and so I go and…Fellowship of Christian Athletes, they have camps throughout the summer, usually. I go and speak at different camps. I just feel like, if I can share what I’ve been through and they can see me as somebody that’s normal, not broken...Like the ladies that I spoke with in the prison; they’re like “how are you that way, because I went through this…”. And [you know], one of the ladies was still mad at her dad because her dad abused her. And she just went into prostitution and things like that because you don’t know how people are gonna respond. And that’s why I make it a point to listen a lot when they’re talking because it’s not about me. Like, I’ve shared my story and this is what I went through and this is how this happened for me but even if the exact same thing happened to you, we are not the exact same. So, I can’t say that I know how you feel because I don’t know exactly how you feel. I have an understanding of what you might be feeling but I just listen because I don’t want to be so insensitive to say that [you know], I went through this and get over it because it doesn’t work that way.
33:11 Host: On Thursdays, you have a Facebook Live called Let’s Go.
Sydelle: The reason I started the Facebook Live is the same reason that I would go and speak to women in the prison, because people don’t share their stories. And so, a lot of times when you’re going through stuff, you think you’re the only person. The reason I started it is because my divorce has been crazy and he’s very publicly been seeing other people and posting on social media and all of that. And so, I’m like “Okay, cool [you know]. That’s what it is.” I’m not embarrassed about that. I’m going through a divorce. But, I want people to know, like, there’s things that you’re gonna go through and there’s stuff that’s gonna happen but let’s go, right. Let’s go, like, let’s get it done. You’re going through it but you’re going THROUGH it. So, just keep going and so that’s kinda the premise behind that because it’s LIVE. So, I get commentary with people saying, [you know] different things. A lot of times, the things that I talk about, [you know], maybe someone reached out to me in Messenger or sent a message but they’re not gonna say anything on the live. But a lot of people listen and they send me messages and it’s touching to me because they’re like “man, I needed that”, “thank you for that” or “how were you able to do that” or next time, can you talk about this” and so that’s kinda how that came about.
34:23 – 34:29 soft music playing in transition
34:28 Host: If your life had a theme song, what would that song be?
Sydelle: I don’t know that it would be my theme song but Beyonce has a song that says I Was Here
Host: Yea
Sydelle: I just wanna know that I made a difference. I wanna leave a footprint that says I was here and I touched and changed and helped somebody’s life and….Some people get into this legacy thing, meaning, [you know], my kids and all of that but I feel like my legacy is whatever you leave behind that people are gonna remember. And, it’s so weird because even now, some of the kids that I coach, they come back and they’re like “you were hard on me during this time, but thank you”. I don’t know, like I said, if that’s a theme song but it definitely resonates with “I made a difference”. I want them to feel like I cared about them genuinely, [you know], because I do.
35:22 Host: I could see that for you. One of the big reasons why I wanted you on this show: I knew a lot of your story and I knew how much others could benefit from it cuz I know how much you have influenced me. And I don’t know if you remember this: one time you were in the hospital and I came to see you. And I walked in the door…and I think I’m gonna cry. I walked in the door and I said “I don’t know what God has in store for you but I can not wait to see it fulfilled” because you had been through so much and it was almost like the devil was trying to keep you from whatever it is. I think the life that you have lived and all that you are striving to accomplish is phenomenal and I won’t even dare to list it all but I do know that you’re going through a 50 by 50. And, you did something like this at 40 by 40 because I remember we were having a ladies night and you came over and you talked about how you were celebrating for 40 days up until your 40th birthday and I had a few suggestions for you…roller derby: have you ever done roller derby?
Sydelle: No
Host: Ok.
Sydelle: That’s cool
Host: Have you ever written a song? You probably have.
Sydelle: I have
Host: Ok. Have you ever recorded and published and…even if you didn’t sing it, has a song you’ve written ever been recorded?
Sydelle: Yes
Host: Have you ever entered a painting into an art exhibit?
Sydelle: No, that’s cool
Host: MMMMMM. Do you play an instrument?
Sydelle: Mmm, not really. I can play the drums a little. I used to play the clarinet.
Host: Do you speak a different language?
Sydelle: I’m taking this online French thing right now.
Host: You mentioned in one of your Facebook Lives that you wanted to do something with a bike…you’d just recently gotten a bike. Have you ever done a triathlon?
Sydelle: No
Host: Ok, see, HEY! I gave you three: roller derby, enter a painting into an art exhibit and do a triathlon.
Sydelle: Yes, those are really good
Host: Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I love that you went skydiving. I loved it. I watched it, but yours…I didn’t see the landing exactly. I saw right before and then right after. My landing was horrible.
Sydelle: Really?
Host: My landing was, oh my gosh, I crashed. [laughter]
Sydelle: How?
37:31 Host: Well cuz he originally said we’re gonna land on, we’re gonna do a running land. And then he said, no we’re gonna do…I guess the wind changed and he said we’re gonna do on our bottom. Wer’re gonna land on our bottom. So then, he was telling me keep my feet up. Well, then at the last minute, he changed it to a running. And so, I started to run..
Sydelle: That’s dangerous
Host: Well, it wasn’t graceful but I didn’t…nobody got hurt
Sydelle: It’s crazy you said that because when I went, they said “do not put your feet down. Make sure your feet do not touch the ground. You could break something because you haven’t been trained to land properly. Make sure your instructor’s feet touch down first before anything of you touches down”. So I...my feet were UP.
Host: Well, this was 13 years ago so maybe they have changed some stuff but…
Sydelle: Yea, people probably have broken stuff along the way. [laughter]
Host: Well, I love you. This has been great. Thank you, ma’am.
Sydelle: Awesome.
Host: You have a great weekend and I’ll talk to you later
Sydelle: Alright
Host: Love you
Sydelle: Love you, too
Host: Bye
Sydelle: Bye
38:31 Host: If you’d like to learn more about Sydelle Nicole, check out her Facebook Live every Thursday evening at Sydelle Nicole. That’s S-Y-D (as in David)-E-L-L-E, Nicole, N-I-C-O-L-E. You can also grab a copy of her book, Dear Mama, on Amazon.
38:49 – 39:19 soft music plays until the end
38:53 I’d like to leave you with a quote that has been credited to Buddha: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”.
Thank you for sharing your time with me. I’m so glad you’re here and I look forward to our next time together.